#94: On Empty

#94: On Empty

Hey there, it’s been a long time. How are you, internets?

I’m attending a cooking class at Bread Becker’s, the store where I buy my supplies to grind my own wheat and make all of our bread. (Yes, we live THAT far out in the country, and I also wear bonnets and read by oil lamps at night. Just kidding. But that’s what you were wondering, wasn’t it?)

Anyway…last night, the teacher said, “I don’t know how any of you could possibly be busier than I am,” in making a point about healthy eating not taking too much time. Of all of the controversial things she said (most of which I totally agreed with), that was the statement that has been irking me.

I have issues.

She also mentioned that every morning she gets up early, exercises, reads and meditates, and then gets around to fixing herself a healthy breakfast around 9 or 10. When left to my own devices, I get up with the kids around 7:30 (or whenever they make me get up, that is) and immediately plunge into an ice bath of getting kids changed, picking out clothes for the day – you’d be surprised how opinionated a 2-year-old can be! – complaints, requests, songs, and an utter lack of privacy when I need to get dressed. I do try to eat a healthy breakfast every day, but I do it like a short-order cook, filling everyone else’s breakfast order and hoping that I have enough time to sit down and eat what I’ve made myself.

Anyway, this lovely woman had three times as many children as I, but like so many others, has forgotten the reality of life with toddlers/preschoolers. I forgive her, and acknowledge that I, too, will look back at these years with a slight amnesia, only remembering how delightful it is to build an entire stage and orchestra pit out of Duplos with my 4-year-old and the funny things a 2-year-old will do and say. I’m sure I will one day look at my full calendar and consider that “busy,” and forget the days when my calendar was empty but I had so much to do that I couldn’t breathe.

My point (sorry) is that I’ve been even busier than usual. And I’ve missed writing and coordinating with Renee about the bloggity-blogginess.

The last six weeks of 2013 included the following: double ear infections (both girls), Thanksgiving parties at school, Thanksgiving with family, staying up half the night for over a week while trying to finish a bathroom remodel, wonderful out of town guests, our (mostly) annual Christmas party for 70 or so, flu (both girls), Christmas parties at school, lots of late night internet Christmas shopping, Christmas Eve celebrations, Christmas for 23 at our house, and a surprising amount of sneak-attack grief for those I lost this year and even 20 years ago. All of these things weren’t “bad,” and nearly all of them (minus the ear infections and flu and grief) were things that I wanted to do and that had elements of fun in them, for sure.

But at 44, my physical and emotional line of credit isn’t what it used to be. And about some things in life, I’m still just not that bright. So even now in mid-January, I am still in the hole, repaying myself for the huge amount that I overdrew during the holidays. I’m trying to get enough sleep (oh, that’s hard for a night owl!), get up before everyone else to have some time alone in the morning, and eat less garbage. Every “normal” day we have puts a little more in my bank.

So anyway – that’s why you haven’t heard from me, internets and real friends alike. Love you, miss you, and here’s to a much happier 2014!

Anything that you’ve vowed to do differently next holiday season?

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